The Clarkson 52 Year Bug

The Clarkson 52 year bug has been an epidemic of late. Symptons are similar to that when you are on the cusp of a sneeze. You know it's coming. You can feel the tickling in your nose and you anticipate the back-wrenching, body contorting effect of the sneeze. However, amongst the anxiety is excitement about the sensation of sneezing. Bad, but still good. Just like Jeremy Clarkson.

This picture makes me feel very good about myself

There a few people in the public eye who have made more verbal faux-pas than Jeremy Clarkson. Recently was his eye opening reaction to the NHS protests. He was on The One Show's couch and, when asked about the NHS strikes made the following remarks:

"Frankly, I'd have them all shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families. I mean, how dare they go on strike when they have these gilt-edged pensions that are going to be guaranteed while the rest of us have to work for a living?"

"Work for a living?"?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!
Clearly Clarkson here has forgotten that we get to see what his day job entails. He shares a couch with Sienna Miller, travels the world, has enjoyed an earning greater than £3million from his work on Top Gear alone. His job differs greatly from what NHS workers endure; witnessing death, bringing life into the world, wiping arses, bathing weeping wounds, being responsible for people's health and wellbeing, being hugely understaffed, reassuring concerned families and having to hear this dribble off the highest paid BBC staff member.

Soon after his golden NHS remarks, he turned on suicide victims and criticised 'Jonny Suicide' for throwing himself on to the train lines. He claimed that it was a selfish way to go because it caused passengers an inconvenience. According the Clarkson, no time should be wasted... 'get the train moving as soon as possible and let foxy woxy and the birds nibble away at the smaller, gooey parts that are far away and hard to find'. His apologies are truly laughable and, really, he just shouldn't apologise because his are about as useful as a chocolate fireguard.

Oh, poor Matt Baker and Alex Jones. Only could Clarkson conjure these facial expressions

Words escape me when describing this man. How can he be described? A snob? A hypocrite? A nob? Entertaining... yes, unfortunately. Despite everything he says which, frankly should have damned his career by now, Top Gear still managed to achieve 5 million viewers during one Sunday in early 2012. No matter how much of an arsehole Jeremy Clarkson is, he is still likeable, even if you think it despite yourself. I despise his right wing hair ringlets and posh-doesn't-mean-you're-intelligent accent, yet find myself watching Top Gear and laughing lots. I don't even like cars! I will be forever perplexed by this conundrum. I wonder what Jeremy Clarkson will have to do to see a downfall in Top Gear ratings... maybe flashing Matt Baker? Murdering a sloth for being lazy whilst 'the rest of us have to work for a living'? Who knows, perhaps he doesn't know himself and he is just pushing the boundary by making more and more public ignorant statements.